The pain wins. Today was EXCRUCIATING. I have no words for how much pain I was in today. I managed to get Colin to his swimming lessons, but then I had to call Pete to take the kids so I could go to the doctor. What a HORRIBLE experience. The doctor was a total asshat. My usual doctor was out on vacation so I went to his on call doc. This guy doesn't know me from a hole in the wall. He didn't really seem to want to listen to me - I just got the impression that he wasn't actually hearing me. Then he just wrote a prescription for anti seizure medication. I was kind of pissed. I was just telling him that I wanted to see a neurologist so I could have some treatment options. He wouldn't refer me because he was not my usual doctor. I have to wait until next week to see my doctor and then it takes three weeks to see a neurologist. WHAT THE HELL? I really don't like taking mediation - let alone something so serious as anti seizure medication! I asked him what the side effects were and he said they were drowsiness, confusion, dizziness, and weight gain. Then he looked at me and said "I guess I'm really going to have to monitor YOU for that." WHAT THE HELL??? Seriously - look at my chart. The last time I was here I weighed 50 pounds heavier! Then the dill hole had the balls to say "I'm going to refer you to a dietitian." AAAHHHH I wanted to kill him! He is lucky I was in so much pain or I would have ripped him a new one. So he left me in the room with the knowledge that my only course of action right now would be to take the medication that could cause me to gain weight - or be in excruciating pain. Great. I sat there for five minutes and just cried my eyes out.
After my appointment I went to the library and I found the ONLY book in the entire library chain about Trigeminal Neuralgia. I then decided to try going to the chiropractor. He got me in right away and he did these two HUGE snaps in my neck. I felt better for about 15 minutes - which leads me to believe that it didn't really do anything. I figured I would go to the pharmacy and talk to the pharmacist about the medication and see what he thought about it. He told me the chances of weight gain are SO low - it's like a 2% chance. I dont' know - the odds of getting trigeminal neuralgia are insane too yet here I am - not only that but I have it bilaterally - that is like 2% of the population! I should buy a lottery ticket. So I bought the medication along with some pain killers the doc prescribed - the anti seizure meds take about a week to start working so the pain killers should help. Whatever - I can't take them when the kids are with me so I'm still going to be in pain. GRRRR. Here I am at almost midnight and I still have not taken the anti seizure medication. I don't know what to do. I don't want to take it. I'm AFRAID to take it. I'm afraid of taking anything so strong. On top of that - I will have to stop nursing Susie. I know I don't nurse her very often but still. I won't have a choice. That hurts. She is my last baby, this is the last time I will ever nurse a baby. It's SOOO important to me. I am just feeling overwhelmed right now. For some reason I feel violated too. I think because I am likely going to have my ability to nurse my child taken away from me. I am just so torn. I don't want to have a medication that makes weight loss even harder. It's hard enough as it is.
This has been such a bad week. I think I gained like 4 lbs. It's probably not REAL pounds, but it still hurts to see it. Tonight I hopped on the treadmill (it's a day off of running) and I put a movie on my kindle, and just walked for half an hour. I also hooped for about 30 minutes earlier. The hooping wasn't so great - I kept getting face pains. When you're getting face pains on the treadmill you can keep going - hooping - not so much!
So to clarify my title, I give up and am going to start some sort of treatment for the pain. I do NOT, however, give up on getting fit! NEVER give up!!!
Thanks for reading. I'm sorry my posts have become so ranty. I hope people are still reading! Hopefully I go back into remission for a while and I can get back to my chipper self! Have a wonderful night! -Monica