My run was pretty freaking awesome! Let me preface this by saying that last night was HORRIBLE. Susie would NOT go to sleep. She just kept screaming no matter what I did. I have no idea what was wrong. I think she is just hitting the terrible twos early. Anyway - I only got about an hour of sleep last night. I'm kind of running on zombie fumes here. So after I picked the wildman up from school and I fed the kids lunch, I got Susie down for her much needed nap. I was sitting on the couch, debating if I should take a nap or go do my run. It was a very hard decision. I could hear my pillow calling me and it was singing very sweet lullabies to me. I decided to roll my fat ass off the couch and go run. I am SO glad I did. It was hard - I'm not going to lie. 6.0 on the treadmill is definitely the fastest I can go right now. It's a huge mind game for me too. I keep thinking I can't do it - no way I can do one minute of this. Then I stare at the eyes on the painting on the wall and when I look back I only have 30 seconds left. Then I tell myself - oh my God - you're half way there, you've got this girl! Then when I go to my walking phase of the program I'm supposed to do 1.5 minutes and I keep telling myself "I'm going to take a 2 minute recovery break" but then when it gets to the 1.5 mark I find myself hitting the 6.0 button anyway! I basically forced myself all the way through. I think once or twice I might have accidentally walked for 2 minutes because I had gotten so into my head that I couldn't remember when I had started the walk. HAHAHA The very last run I had to stop about 15 seconds early - my heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to leap out of my chest. My treadmill has the most worthless heart rate monitor on it so I really can't go by that. Next time I'm going to wear my chest strap and my Garmin. I don't have the indoor footpod so I usually don't wear my garmin on the treadmill. Hopefully some day I can afford that thing! It's quite spendy! So back to that painting on the wall - it's a painting of baby Jesus. I'm not an overly religious person. I go to church on Sunday and I have been known to send up a prayer or two, I do believe in God. I guess I just don't really talk about it much. I'm not ashamed or anything - I just don't believe people should push their beliefs on others. Anyway - when I stare at the eyes of the painting of baby Jesus I hear that poem in my head called footsteps. It's a very beautiful poem. If you have not read it, it basically says that when you have hard times and feel like you are not able to carry on, Jesus carries you. I guess it just feels fitting because I keep telling myself that I can't go one more step - but I stare into His eyes and I do! Ok - I promise I won't say any more religious stuff. I promise I am not out to convert anyone! I just really love that my head goes there. I have a LOT of self doubt and negative self talk. It's interesting to see how I am slowly starting to tell my negative self off. HAHAHA It's hard to do and I really take it one step at a time (literally) but it's fun to see! (hear?)
Here is a link to the poem if you're interested.
I'm feeling pretty psyched - not just because I did a hard run - but because I beat my own mind! I always tell myself I can't - it's so exciting when I prove myself wrong!
I hope you all have a WONDERFUL night! Thanks for reading! -Monica