I've been pretty down today. I just can't shake it. I feel really lonely. I feel really fat, and ugly. Days like this, I wish I could crawl back into bed and sleep for a few days. I didn't though. I had a really busy day. My cat decided to have diarrhea on my down comforter - which soaked all the way through to my mattress protector. Thank GOD we invested in that thing, otherwise my mattress would have been history. I got all the stains out of everything - I'm just waiting for my down comforter to dry - it may take days. I guess I'm just feeling under loved and under appreciated lately. No guess, that hits the nail right on the head. I will spare you the gory details. Just understand I'm feeling friendless, familyless, and unwanted. :-(
I still ate very well today. I even planned a "splurge" and took my son for a McDonald's low fat ice cream cone. It was so hot today and it was the perfect treat! Not that he said thank you. Figures. I even took him to a used bookstore and we got two new "Biscuit" books - he LOVES them. Again, no thank you. You'd think I would be used to it, but for some reason it is really bothering me today. Anyway, I DID get to the gym - pretty late in the day - but I got it done. WOW was it hard. I think the treadmill I picked may very well be the fastest of all of them. It was about a minute and a half faster than the others! I feel like I got run over by a truck! Once again - the end was nothing but sheer will. I kept thinking how badly I want to get out of the 250's. OH MY GOD do I want to get out of the 250's. I want that more than I can express with words.
It's kind of funny - I used to hate getting dressed. I slowly started liking it. Now I'm hating it again. The only difference is that now I hate it because everything is too big on me. I look like a clown! Most of my shirts are so baggy - they make me look so much bigger than I am! I only have one pair of shorts now! I LIVE in jean shorts during the summer. The ones I wore last summer after I had "lost weight" are INSANELY big on me. If I put them on - they fall down. If I walk - they fall completely off. You'd think that would excite me more- but for some reason it's depressing to not have anything to wear. Ok, I'm sorry - I guess I'm just in a crappy mood. I don't want to rub off on anyone. I apologize. I'll try to suck it up and put on my big girl panties.
I managed to break my own personal all time record on my fitness meter! I got 65 points! I still can't believe it. I seriously hope I get off of this stupid 255 lb mini plateau. I'm getting frustrated. I have to slap myself back into reality and remember it's not about the number on the scale, but the level of health I can achieve and maintain. Why does that stupid scale rule all?
Anyway - I'd better get myself showered and in bed. I can tell I'm coming down with my son's cold. I'm just SO glad he feels the need to share every cold he gets. I HATE being sick. It was SO hard to run today with such a sore throat and sinus pain. BLAH. Hopefully a hot shower will clear some of the congestion up!!
Thank you for reading! Again, sorry if I sound really negative today. I really hate feeling so alone. -Monica